I Counted 75 To Do List Items Before 8 am: The Mental Load Nobody Talks About
It starts before your feet hit the floor.
You open your eyes and it's already there: the five things you didn't finish before you fell asleep. The email you forgot to send. The laundry you moved to the dryer but never folded. The form that's due today that you swore you'd do last night.
Then you look over at your daughter, the one who just woke you up by breathing directly into your face like a tiny adorable stalker, and you start counting. Six things. Six things to get her to daycare on time before 8 a.m. Clothes. Hair. Teeth. Breakfast. Shoes. The emotional negotiation about which shoes.
You walk down the hallway and there they are: the three things that have been on your list for a week. The things you keep moving to tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes, apparently, because here they are again.
By the time you're driving to school, you're already running through the rest. Three phone calls. Two meetings. Six random items that don't fit into any category but still need to happen. And that's all before you check your email and see three impatient clients, two cancellations, and four hot leads you need to lock down before they go cold.
How many things are on YOUR mental list right now?
So then you walk into the office (which is also your house, because work-life balance is a myth) and you find your husband the second he sits down. You tell him everything. Not because he needs to do it all, but because if you don't say it out loud, you'll forget, and if you forget, it'll haunt you at 2 a.m. like some kind of anxiety ghost. And then you feel bad. Because he has his own list. His own 75 things.
The 4 Types of Mental Load
& Why They're All Truly Exhausting
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The stuff that HAS to happen. School drop-off, appointments, deadlines, making sure everyone eats something besides goldfish crackers.
This is the visible part of mental load. The things people can actually see you doing. But even this category has invisible layers: you're not just doing the task, you're remembering it needs to happen, planning when it'll happen, and managing the fallout if it doesn't happen.
Examples:
Getting kids ready and out the door on time
Meal planning and grocery shopping
Scheduling doctor appointments
Managing work deadlines
Paying bills and handling household admin
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Remembering your kid's best friend's birthday party. Noticing your husband had a rough day. Managing everyone's feelings including your own (lol good luck).
This is the load that nobody sees but everyone feels when it's not being done. You're the emotional thermostat of the house. You're constantly reading the room, anticipating needs, and making sure everyone feels okay.
Examples:
Checking in on how everyone's day went
Planning special moments (birthdays, holidays, "just because" treats)
Being the feelings translator between family members
Remembering what everyone cares about and bringing it up later
Carrying the worry when something's off with your kid
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The stuff nobody sees but you're doing constantly: anticipating needs, planning ahead, being the "reminder system" for the whole household.
This is the load that makes people say "what do you even do all day?" because they genuinely can't see it. You're running simulations in your head. You're three steps ahead. You're the reason things don't fall apart.
Examples:
Knowing when you're about to run out of diapers before you run out
Remembering that your kid needs a costume for the school thing next week
Being the human calendar for everyone's schedules
Anticipating problems before they happen
Keeping mental inventory of what's in the fridge, the pantry, the medicine cabinet
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The things that aren't urgent yet but you're already thinking about: summer camp registration, holiday planning, the fact that your daughter will eventually need braces.
This load lives rent-free in your brain at 2 a.m. It's not even happening yet, but you're already managing it. You're playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers.
Examples:
Planning for holidays that are months away
Thinking about school enrollment deadlines
Worrying about future expenses
Planning for growth spurts, developmental milestones, life transitions
The running list of "things we need to figure out eventually"
You think about writing it all down, but that feels like a waste of time. So instead you just... hold it. Tally it up before your eyes close. Check in with yourself. Wonder if you'll ever feel like you've done enough.
Here's the thing, though.
When a big one gets crossed off? That relief is the best feeling in the world. It's almost worth the chaos.
Almost.
But Here’s the Truth…
Back when my life was boring and easy, the list was completable. I could actually finish it. And you know what? I wasn't happy. So whoop, what do ya do.
For now, I'm trying to teach myself a lesson that doesn't come naturally: a break isn't earned when the list is complete.
Because if you're really doing life right (as an inspired, entrepreneurial wife, mother, marketing agent, and now creator) the list is never done.
And maybe that's okay.
What's on YOUR mental load right now? Drop one thing below. Let's commiserate together. 👇
